Sleepless in Seattle, I mean, Chicago
It’s 4am and I can’t sleep. Not even sure why I woke up in the first place! No, this time it wasn’t a trip to the bathroom or a sneaky trip to the fridge. It wasn’t my toddler either… But I’m sure by the time I am back to sleep she WILL wake up.
Bottom line is, I’m awake and for the life of me, I cannot go back to sleep. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my tired brain. I wish I could banish them as I have to get up in precisely one and a half hours. The pressure of having to wake up shortly is probably making this even worse. It’s weird how the brain works not in my favor at times. Isn’t it supposed to be on my side?!
Let me explain
After a long train of thoughts, about, well pretty much about everything, I came to a conclusion. I figured that I can’t always do the right thing. I can’t always make everyone happy because regardless of how much I try, someone will still be unhappy. I wish I could always do the right thing, but what if doing the right thing doesn’t make me happy? What if saying no can actually be a good thing sometimes?
I’ll admit I’ve become a little selfish lately, but not for entirely selfish reasons. I figured if I am happy, I can be a better mother to my children. I can be a better wife. I can be a kinder person rather than a raging bitch who runs on coffee and no sleep. And so I started saying no more often. No to my husband, no to my kids, no to my friends. Not in a mean horrible way, but rather in a way where I put myself first. I still feel bad about it sometimes, but it’s a working progress.
No to random birthday parties
As an example, let’s take a look at the kids birthday parties. We have two girls so we get an invitation to attend a bunch of kiddie birthday parties. And we used to go to ALL of them. We’d go to one almost every weekend and spend a ton of money. In some of those parties, I wasn’t even sure who the parents were! Some might say it’s rude, some might say it’s selfish, but now we only go to the birthday parties of our friends’ kids and say no to the rest. I need to put myself and my family first. I recently asked my older daughter if she wanted to go to a party of this kid she doesn’t spend much time with (and I don’t really know the parents), she said no, and that she’d much rather stay home. And so we did.
No to my kids
I know my kids want nothing more than for me to tuck them in EVERY SINGLE NIGHT but guess what, there are times mommy won’t be able to. There are times when mommy needs to work out, or go out and have mommy time with her friends, rather than a bunch of 2-year-olds. All my life I saw my own mother putting everyone else’s needs first and trust me, nothing good came out of it.
To every mom and dad out there
Love yourself. Invest in yourself. Remember yourself. Do what makes you happy, even if that means putting your family second sometimes. Everyone will be just fine without you. I used to think the world would collapse if I step aside or stop doing what I do every day. Strangely enough, it didn’t. Everything was just as I left it. Maybe with a few extra dishes in the sink and messy rooms, but no major disasters.